Revisiting an old post

Facebook reminded me of this post from my old blog. Re-reading I got that feeling to reshare, so I’m choosing to act on that impulse. I do want to say that although I quote his work here, I do not support Orson Scott Card or his political ideas/practices. 

Btw: I received another birthday reading from Margaret Ruth this year and one in August from The Sky Priestess, Bairavee Balasubramaniam, PhD. Still thinking on those readings…

​Sunday, October 4, 2009


So, one of the coolest findings in my palm reading with MR was this star kinda halfway between the outside of my palm and my life line. MR pointed it out on my left hand but I can see one on my right hand, too. MR called it a “blending” star, because it was situated between spirit and body and she suggested it may be part of my life’s work since stars symbolize a point of intense energy and light. I’ve been thinking about that idea quite a bit since the reading. Here are some of my thoughts:

Perhaps one manifestation of the blending star is my simultaneous fascination with the physical aspects of mind/body (like the actual physical workings of the brain and those pesky molecules of emotion) and with the transcendent/spiritual knowing that seems to come from both outside and within you at the same time. I love to learn how emotions have a physical root and also think emotions are clues to a wider reality (like intuition, precognition, etc). It’s taken me a long time to realize that emotions are embodied – not just charged thoughts. Actually feeling emotion in my body has been a revelation to me.

Perhaps the star is an indication of how my intuitive knowing often manifests as a physical knowing. For example, I often feel pulled to a particular place, like there’s a compass in my body pointing in a particular direction. If I am giving someone a massage, my hands feel pulled toward tender spots. I have often felt a pull to go down a particular aisle at the store, where I have found something I needed but had not put on the list (this happened just tonight actually). I have felt a pull to go down a particular road, then months later realized my familiarity with that particular road was crucial. My eyes are drawn to correct answers on tests and my hands feel a pull toward the right answer. My hands feel the tarot card I want to look at in readings. My innate sense of direction is very tied to this physical manifestation of intuition.

I’m not sure if anything is non-physical, that is, outside the realm of molecules and atoms. I believe that there is a knower, a choser, that is me, that is an actual thing and that thing has been me since there was anything. I am profoundly influenced by the LDS idea that each of us is, at base, an “intelligence,” something that has always existed and will always exist. Orson Scott Card named the “intelligence” an “aiua” in the later Ender books. When I read this little bit from Xenocide, it connected to me in a deep way:

I think that we are free, and I don’t think it’s just an illusion that we believe in because it has survival value. And I think we’re free because we aren’t just this body, acting out a genetic script. And we aren’t some soul that God created out of nothing. We’re free because we always existed. Right back from the beginning of time, only there was no beginning of time so we existed all along. Nothing ever caused us. Nothing ever made us. We simply are, and we always were. p. 386, 1991 paperback.

Yet, even if we have always existed, our aiuas/intelligences/spirits are powerfully influenced by our bodily experience. How we know things fundamentally changes depending on the particular chemical/hormonal balance in our bodies in any given moment as well as how our childhood experiences shaped the unique neural nets of our brains. Our experiences and worlds shift in meaning and experience with each subtle body change – for example, my skin color, gender, and size have all profoundly shaped my understanding of the world around me. And at a simpler, most basic level, I know that, for myself, my choices are profoundly influenced by things as simple as hunger, thirst, tiredness. I think better, act better, make better/kinder/more loving choices when I am well fed, well rested. I’m a nicer person when my body feels good. 

So, I believe on a deep level that “I” am something different than the body “I” live in. Yet my body is also me and I feel on the same deep level that this is the body “I” chose. Blended and blending.


So I Don’t Forget…

In June I went to a retreat with my dear friend and counselor Lynda Steele. Lynda’s Riverhouse is located in northwestern Michigan, near Traverse City. On one rainy afternoon we went to the home/workshop of Gwen Frostic. There I found a basket of notepads with a sign saying “These little pads are delightful for Thoughts so Easily Forgotten.” I felt an immediate ping and resonance because I forget many of my thoughts very easily. So I followed my heart and bought the little pad of notepaper (along with several other goodies!).

Initially, I used the notepad for what amount as a to-do list, but then I used it to right down a key idea from the retreat I wanted to hang on to and I had an “ah ha!” ~ I prefer dedicating the notepad to more timeless instructions to myself than “remember you wanted to check out this website/call this person/write that post.”

Now my practice is to write down thoughts that help me center and stay connected to my root self. I glean those thoughts from all over ~ from books and blogs I read to conversations with friends in various spiritual and therapeutic circles. The past two months I’ve been carrying all the thoughts with me in my purse or backpack. I’ve got quite a stack now ~ and I’m thinking sorting out what I most what to remember and carry with me each day is another potentially useful practice to explore.

I thought some of these thoughts might be resonate with others as well, so I’m sharing a few in the picture below.

Top Row:
What if I didn’t minimize the work I do?
Maybe yes-es are beacons of No. Havi 6/23/16
There is always resistance when soul leans into something ~ Go against ego’s desire to remain unchanged and do it anyway.

Bottom Row:
Hold it Lightly.
Sometimes when I try to be gentle, I end up being passive instead.
Remember: solar plexus and throat support the heart [chakra]

Another image…

As I collect more of this thoughts I’ll continue to share ~ weekly? monthly? as Spirit moves.

A Prayer for Focus

I joined The Dark Goddess Lodge awhile back, when I bought a deck of the Dark Goddess Tarot by Ellen Lorenzi-Prince. Lodge members receive a tarot spread each new moon, based on the theme card for the month. I use the spreads as a personal meditation for the month. The June spread was for the 3 of Air, Blue Dakini. The spread is about severing ties to that which no longer serves ~ cutting cords. I have been reading Mary Shutan’s book The Complete Cord Cutting Course: Working with Cords through Energy Work and Shamanic Healing, so this spread very much connect to me. I created this prayer out of some of the cards I pulled for myself. I am sharing this prayer here, in the hopes that it might be useful for someone else, or may inspire you to compose your own prayer, for your own needs.

I am hoping ~ working ~ today for focus.
To say “no thank you” to distractions and “other goods.”

How can I walk through this situation in a way I can be proud of?

Source of Life, Friends, Keepers of the Seeds~

Help me walk with purpose.

And if I don’t know my purpose
Help me stay silent, still
Until I realize my purpose and know which direction to turn my feet.

Hekate ~ Light my way, oh Torchbearer.

Cailleach ~ Turn my gaze away from distractions, oh Giant One.

Qadesh ~ Blend my worlds, oh Lover.

A Prayer for the Inevitable Stepping on of Toes

This prayer was written after I attended a wonderful gathering of women from around the world. All were hoping to share of their own traditions and learn to be sisters with other women. It was beautiful, hopeful, heartful and hard. Damn hard. And so, here it goes.

My own little toes…

A Prayer for the Inevitable Stepping on of Toes

It is a given whenever people gather together~mingle, dance, move~someone’s toes are going to get stepped on. A lot of someone’s. At least as long as we are human, at least as long as we have toes, as least as long as we get lost in our own minds and fail to see the sister/brother/spirit sibling beside us, the stepping on of toes is inevitable.

For at least that long, there will be times we are dancing along and we will not see this otherself is dancing beside us and we will turn and BOOP~smashed up toes. Maybe even an elbow connected with an eye. Ouch! And our sister/brother/friend is hurting.

This prayer is for what happens next.

With the help of our helpers and the guidance of our guides, we will not say to our sister/brother/friend~

Why are you in my way? Where are your shoes? You know this wouldn’t hurt if you would just put on some damn shoes!

No. We will not say that.

And we will not say~

Oh! I didn’t see you there! Why are you sneaking up on people like that? Don’t you know the quiet ones always get stepped on?

No. We will not say that.

And we will not say~

I’m just making a little joke. Don’t you get it? Don’t you have a sense of humor? You know, if we can’t laugh about our pain we’re never going to get anywhere. Don’t you know humor is a weapon against oppression?

No. We will not say that. Never that.

And when we are so lost in our own dance, when we are spinning and twirling without full awareness of our body’s passage through spacetime…when we are walking along with our head in the clouds, with our thoughts spinning circles in our mind…when we are not aware we have even stepped upon our otherselves toes and our sister/brother/friend says, “Hey! You stepped on my toes! Watch it You!”

We will not say~

You watch it! You look were YOU are going!

No. We will not say that.

And when our sister/brother/friend says “Excuse me, please, you are standing on my toes, it hurts so, will you please move?”

We will not say~

What? Huh? Oh, you were there? Huh. It’s hurts you say? Does it hurt less if I scootch over here a bit? I mean, I know I’m still on your toes, but it’s not as bad, right? It just hurts a little, right? Because you know I really like this spot. Maybe you should remove your toes from under my feet and got sit over there. Yes. That should work.

Oh no Spirits, Elders, Guides. We will not say that. We will not say that.

And we will not say~

I don’t have time for all this! I am in the middle of a great work, a great ceremony! Don’t you get how important my work is! I don’t have time to stop for your little hurt toes, little sister/brother/friend. I have much more important things to do than worry about your poor little toes.

Oh no. We will not say that. Not here. Not this time.

We WILL say~

Oh! My sister/brother/friend! I have stepped on you! You are in pain! I am so sorry my otherself. Let me help you back up. What do you need? What can I do to heal this wound?

Please may I get some salve for your toes? Please, may I place my hands here so I can pray to release all the pain that I can? May I call for your family, your familiars? Those who can support you best, who know the ways of healing among your people?

Yes, this is what we will say. Because we know. We know!

Our elders,

our spirits,

our guides,

our creators,

our holy ones.

Our earth,

our stars,

our moons,

our planets.

Our mothers,

our fathers,

our grandmothers,

our grandfathers.

All of our relations.

We know you love our otherself just as you love us.

And we know, we know, we must learn to love our sisters, our brothers, our friends, just as you all love all of us.

And we know, we know, all the teachings, all the ceremonies, all the prophecies lead us to this understanding ~ We, ourselves and otherselves, are precious. We are each and all as precious and true and sacred as all the teachings, all the ceremonies, and all the prophecies.

Now, we know some pain is inevitable, here in the world of forms….

And much good is brought forth into the light, dar al luz, with the right kind of pain, the right kind of discomfort. We are not talking about that pain.

We are talking about the pain of thoughtlessness, of ill consideration, of forgetfulness, or inattention. Of forgetting.

That pain ~

When we see it, we will know it, we will own our part of it and we will work together to heal it. We will not ignore, minimize, continue the pain of the stepped-on toes.

Because we know we are not talking about just toes, precious as they are.

We are talking about the most sensitive parts of ourselves. The parts that reach out to touch our mother Earth and find our path, our way in this world. The parts of ourselves filled with nerves and connectors to all the other parts of ourselves. The parts of ourselves that are so sensitive. So tender. So flexible. So strong.

And so we offer this prayer, Oh Wise Ones, for blessings upon all of our tender places, all of our wounds and weaknesses, and we pray to be mindful of each and every of our otherselves.

With our prayers and our good hearts we go forth to bless all the broken places so all may be Whole.

So say we all.